Fort George 2025 Festival of the Dark Arts Recap

Beer journalism is fundamentally about seeking truth in a chaotic, dishonest world. Integrity is the bedrock of the institution.

This is how a craft beer bar in Tacoma became known as “The One True Voice and Pulse-keeper of the Pacific Northwest.” We must pursue the truth with rigorous intensity to preserve the standards set by our forbearers: Protz, Jackson, Eckhardt, Peaks & Pints.

That said, the boundaries are ever-changing. As the form evolves, we must evolve with it.

This balance came into question Saturday when Fort George Brewery in Astoria, Oregon, hosted its annual Festival of the Dark Arts. Ticket bearers were granted entrance into a magical menagerie of dark art and macabre entertainment, surrounded by the boldest collection of stouts ever assembled in one place. There was iron, glass, ice, and tattoo artistry. There was live music, dark art, and roaming artists. And there were 80 rare and unique stouts tempting all our senses.

Thousands were in attendance. Today, everyone is dying to know what happened.

Caveat: It’s widely understood that the only way to truly enjoy Fort George Brewery’s Festival of the Dark Arts, or beer festivals writ large, is under the impairment of the beer being poured. In this case, we are going through 80 exquisitely unique stouts on a cold, slightly rainy mid-February Saturday at the mouth of the Columbia River.

A new approach must be taken.

Simply: Make sure the reviewer is as high on roasted malts as the rest of the stout savages. Spin liquid gold—and only liquid gold—to keep this ship on track.

Please remember this editorial decision when reading the following Festival of the Dark Arts review.

Thank you for your continued support.

Now, welcome to the Dark Arts timeline! Fort George. Stouts. Begin.

Noon: Entering the Fort George Brewery complex from the upper deck entrance. The crowd is about what you’d expect, which the reporter feels needs no fancy, descriptive word-picture.

We should get this out of the way early: Most people here appear overwhelmed with joy. Of course, we can’t speak for everyone, but all the laughter, hugging, and abundant, radiant joy have us more than a little suspicious. Have these people watched the news recently?

12:01 p.m.: Worried about America.

12:05 p.m.: Ran into Tristan McCoy of the Browns Point Homebrew Club on his way to get a tattoo in Fort George’s Lovell Building, which also housed “The Taproom” taps. Grabbed a Steam Donkey Brewing Breakfast Abyss oatmeal stout with maple, vanilla, and cinnamon — a new beer from the Aberdeen brewery.

12:12 p.m. Found Full Throttle Bottles owner Jon Olken. He gave us the lowdown on secret gatherings and special pours. Thanks, Jon, for the Burial Beer and Fort George collab A Magical Menagerie of The Misunderstood marionberry, maple smoked sea salt and vanilla stout recommendation from the “Little Trailer” taps. We spent time at the Little Trailer thanks to Brujos, E9 Brewing, Grains of Wrath, Firestone Walker/Omnipollo, and Structures pours.

12:20 p.m.: The concessions beckon. We found Beetlejuice pizza with beet Alfredo, Brussels sprouts, squash, goat cheese, Mozzarella, and wood-fired onions upstairs. Only one napkin was nabbed to protect the dying forest.

12.21 p.m.: Goddamn. There are Grilled Octopus Tentacles. Wild confluence of emotions experienced. Life of impulsive decision-making reconsidered. I also witnessed people eating Donut Burgers, Al Pastor Tacos, Bacon on a Stick, Grilled Octopus Tentacles, and Soul food.

12:30 p.m.: Rain into Mike Hunsaker, owner of Grains of Wrath. Praised his new Fort George sweet and boozy collab Spirit Creature imperial stout aged 24 months in Elijah Craig barrels. It’s a steal at only two tokens. Told him he was our Spirit Creature. Awkward.

12:45 p.m.: Watched Portland band Kinghorn put smiles on stoners’ faces. A mix of post-everything, but with singular defiant energy and intimidating low-end like a basketball team constructed of five Shaqs coached by Shaq.

12:48 p.m. Bumped into Alty carrying pastries toward the Brewers Green Room. The Oakshire Brewing co-owner sent me to taste his Hellshire XIV Russian Imperial Stout aged in Heaven Hill Bourbon barrels pouring from “Big Trailer Side B.” I didn’t go; I’ve been drinking it at Peaks & Pints for weeks.

12:52 p.m.: Will my nose ever stop running? Holy Mountain’s 2024 Hand of Midnight blend of Hand of Glory barleywine and Midnight Still imperial stout helped.

1:15 p.m.: The Horsenecks, an old-timey band from Astoria, took the Courtyard Stage. The band had to pick up all the sludge leftover from Kinghorn. Chose Portland’s indie rock Glitterfox inside The Ruins instead. Infectious hooks! Fort George Sales Director Drew Worden pouring inside The Ruins — the neglected grand lobby of the former Hotel Astoria that has been repurposed as the Gothic-inspired venue called The Ruins. We discussed the Fort George Stout Month 2025 Finale event at Peaks & Pints Feb. 27.

2 p.m.: People watching reaches an unconsidered high-water mark as we take our freakin’ delicious Fort George Matryoshka aged in Hair of the Dog Adam barrels to the upper patio. It was sort of like the people watching you’d witness at REI, but everyone has stout stains all over their Gortex. Soriah, the throat singer, is performing on The Courtyard Stage. Hoping he would throat “She Sells She Shells”, but no go.

2:45 p.m.: There was a crazy long line for Brouwerij De Molen Peat & Spade’s pour-off “The Showroom” taps. The peated stout with cocoa, vanilla, red fruit, whiskey, honey, and cherry truffles was worth the wait. The showroom was decorated with pinball machines and free play. I began to feel tilted.

3 p.m.: The dancing. Holy crap. Generally speaking, the peeps watching Seattle “gunk pop” band Black Ends hopped and bobbed the exact opposite of a Target corporate HQ Christmas party conga line. So cool. A Living Haus Baby Shay oatmeal stout pairs well.

3:15 p.m.: Von Ebert’s Rendered Nightmare imperial stout gets passed around behind us. We’re intrigued.

3:20 p.m.: Found Rendered Nightmare. We’re rendered.

4 p.m.: Meet the Full Throttle folks and much of the beer industry at Bridge & Tunnel Bottle Shop & Taproom down the street. Great to be in Dwayne’s World. Lambics flowed. We jumped on Moksa Brewing’s Jump To Recipe imperial sour ale with cara cara orange, cranberries, lemon blossom honey, and vanilla beans. Maybe an imperial was a poor choice.

4:30 p.m.: Thankfully, the Bridal Veil dream pop band was still on the stage when we returned from Bridge & Tunnel. Just clapped spontaneously. Did creepy dance. Something is wrong. Want to get the wife on the phone. Worried the Jeep was left unlocked. Afraid of death, life …. and this delicious Ilk Beer Ferrero Noir 11.2 percent stout.

4:40 p.m.: Gazed at the weird doll and action figure ice hotel for the tenth time. Still don’t know what it means.

4:45 p.m.: Everyone is having a good time. Ran into the Tacoma Beer Week crew. We don’t remember what was discussed. We’ll discover later if we verbally committed to a seventh TBW event in early March.

4:46 p.m.: iPhone dies. Overheard in the crowd: “Oh man, I think I have an octopus tentacle stuck in my throat.”

5:00 p.m.: And then, like, there’s a Broken Glass Bathing Beauty, Machete Mistress, contortionist, and Sol’Aura Ceremonial Fusion Dance. Mayhem. Did it actually happen? Impossible to say.

5:03 p.m.: Pounding drums and guitars somewhere. Found Portland metal band Gaytheist ripping upstairs. The fantastic Fort George and de Garde collab Sometimes Things Take Longer double barrel-aged imperial stout and barleywine blend rips ruins our heads.

5:10 p.m.: More people watching. The bros in front of us are wearing sunglasses and have Cheshire grins so deep it’s blowing their cover. One looks like if Eric Clapton were a software engineer.

5:12 p.m.: A taster of Burial Beer Houtenhammer Double Barrel Aged Imperial Stout Aged Twice in Willet and Woodford Reserve barrels is being passed around. We miss our phone.

5:20 p.m.: Headed to Jeep to charge the phone.

7:20 p.m.: Woke up. Drove home.

LINK: Peaks & Pints beer and cider cooler inventory