Dear 2016 Fort George 3-Way IPA,
OK, I know what you’re thinking, 2016 Fort George 3-Way IPA. The crazy slow construction of my Peaks and Pints bottle shop, taproom and eatery in Tacoma’s Proctor neighborhood has turned me into a crank-guy. I can see it in your six eyes. You’re tired of my groans over expensive POS systems. Bitchin’ about events calendar changes is wearing on you.
Well, not anymore, 3-Way IPA. See, something happened last week that has changed my tune.
A week ago Wednesday afternoon, as I was trying to think of a clever way to preview the sixth Sierra Nevada’s Beer Camp Across America event in as many days in our Daily Prefunk column, I heard a repeating chime. Behind a pile of koozies, I found an old, dead 2002 iMac swiveling about with ghostly images flickering on the screen. Then, the cheap printer with ridiculous high priced cartridges slowly churned out a single sheet of paper, which read: “You have mail.” Trembling, my hand reached for the mouse and clicked. “You will be haunted by Three Historic Drywall Ghosts,” read the message from suckitswarner@astoria.net. “Bah humbug,” I actually said out loud, as I walked away. “That was nothing but an undigested bit of Taco Tuesday.”
Having slipped into a doze at my desk, I was none too happy to awaken and find myself face to face with an unearthly visitor. “Are you here to install the beer cooler compressor?” I asked, wiping the drool of my chin. The figure standing above me was the ghost of David Thompson, an 1811 British explorer and North West Company employee who navigated the entire length of the Columbia River, reaching the partially constructed Fort Astoria, also known as Fort George, where the city of Astoria, Oregon now sits. “Rise! Grab the tail of my raccoon cap and walk with me,” Thompson moaned.
“Cripes, do this, do that. You guys sure are pushy for being from the other side,” I didn’t say but wish I did as together we passed through the Peaks and Pints partially drywalled interior.
Thompson and I floated to the Eleven Eleven restaurant and bar on Hilltop Tacoma. But, lo! This wasn’t just any afternoon. Fort George Brewery sales executive Hoyt Smith was in the house. Thompson asked if I knew the joint. “Know it? I’ve been coming here since ol’ Justin and Robby Peterson opened it in 2012. In fact, they’re my Peaks and Pints business partners. There’s Justin sitting in the Rainier Beer Room! Bless his heart. He’s making sure everyone is having a grand ol’ time. Look, he even drinking a Scrimshaw Pilsner.”
“Hilli-ho everyone!” Justin didn’t say but it would have been awesome for this story if he did. “Hoyt Smith from Fort George Brewery is in our midst.” The room erupted in cheer.
Thompson pointed toward the Rainier Room where the Astoria, Oregon brewery rep sat next to Justin. Smith had a grip on you, 3-Way IPA, weeks before your June 13 debut.
Smith handed me the summer seasonal.
“I thought I was invisible?” I asked Thompson.
“I uncloaked you for the sake of this stupid story,” replied Thompson.
“Fort George Brewery has brewed this summer IPA since 2013, featuring two different craft brewery collaborators every year,” explained Smith. “This year, Jeremy Tofte of Melvin Brewing (Jackson Hole, Wyoming) and Tyler Brown of Barley Brown’s Beer (Baker City, Oregon) shared ideas and techniques with Chris Nemlowill of Fort George Brewery, and after four batches, presto, the 2016 Fort George 3-Way IPA.”
Oh, and you’re a fine craft beer, indeed 3-Way IPA. Smith explained your malt base is 2-row barley with a little C15, Pilsner and wheat. All good there. Then, of course, comes the hops — Apollo, Citra, Mosaic, Galaxy and Simcoe added in different stages to produce a wonderful, hop forward grapefruit and pineapple aroma and taste. At 7.3 percent alcohol by volume, you’re going to be seen everywhere, floating down rivers on inner tubes, on top of Mount Si and around campfires.
Thomson slapped the back of my head, pointing toward the door.
“Leave me Thompson!” I yelled. “This is where I belong, drinking delicious craft beer and not fiddling with Excel spreadsheets!”
And with that, I was back at the Peaks and Pints construction site, and Thompson disappeared in a puff of smoke. By the time the second Drywall Ghost arrived, I was back at the Eleven Eleven, sitting in front of Smith in real time, sipping your hoppy citrus deliciousness, 3-Way IPA.
So, dear 2016 Fort George 3-Way IPA, I pledge to remain calm during this last phase of Peaks and Pints long journey toward completion. I’ve learned it’s important to chill now and then, and keep an eye on your June 13 release. Besides, it took me all night to get that danky Ghost smell out of the office. I’d just as soon Thompson doesn’t come around again.
Cheers,
Ron Swarner
